I look pretty happy in this photo, don’t I?
Well, the truth is that I was happy. I had just joined Slimming World and I had decided that I was going to do something positive for myself and try to switch to a healthier lifestyle. Years of ignoring what I had been putting into my mouth had taken their toll and that it was time to make a change.
I didn’t have a weight target in mind. It wasn’t really about weight. I do of course want to look my best. However, I have found that since turning 30 my worries about what others see when they look at me have diminished at a pretty stealthy rate!
For me, my focus was on my health.
I already knew that 2 litres of cola each day and a penchant for drive thru food was costing me an arm and a leg. My habits needed to change. For my health and my purse!
So, the planets aligned and off to Slimming World I went. Determined that I was about to commit properly to something which would improve my life.
Fast forward nearly 6 months. Drum roll please..
..I AM THE SAME WEIGHT I WAS WHEN I STARTED THIS!
To say that I am not where I thought I would be by now is something of an understatement. I cannot pretend I’m not disappointed. I’d imagined I would be at least 3 stone down by now. Admittedly I am amused by it all too. But…
I was supposed to feel more like me
Because that’s it in a nutshell. I don’t really know the person I have become. She is certainly not who I was or who I imagined I would be. Maybe that’s just what nearly 40 feels like? Does 40 feel like giving up?
The fact of the matter is that I was ready to give up. On Slimming World. On myself.
Slimming world works. I know it works. I have seen the numbers in my book going downwards each week when I was making an effort to stick to it. The problem isn’t Slimming World. The problem is me. I have been sabotaging my own lifestyle. I wish I could say why but it’s not going to be that simple, is it?
I got a phone call on Friday night. It was my local chinese takeaway calling ME to let me know that their loyalty discount was ending that weekend and did I want to order food so I could use my discount? I shit you not. My takeaway phones me. That’s a problem.
Did I order food? Obviously I did. I enjoyed it too.
Actually though, I deserve better. So, today I will take a deep breath and walk through those doors into group. I will set aside a couple of hours for me. When I get home I’ll curl up with a cuppa and my Slimming World books and I will read through them again.
I will treat myself like a friend.
Hopefully this time around I will be able to make better choices. In a few months time maybe I will start to see a change. Not just in my body but my health too. Who knows. I will try to give myself a chance though. Wish me luck!